I am supposed to be sleeping now but I chose to stay up and put this thought on this sheet. I have to wake up at 4 a.m. for my laundry but I prefer to skip on it just in case I don’t make it on time. I chose to give up tomorrow and just live at this very moment without thinking of the consequences that I might get from deviating from my routine highly structured life. I am stirred from the inside after some ordinary moments today.
I hate myself for not attending the first Friday Mass. I know I should have been there and I felt awful about being too lazy or probably because I am a person who sets the day in a timeline and something that come out in the middle would be considered less. I don’t know, I hate myself for taking spirituality for granted.
So why am I staying up this late to begin with a rant about being lazy? I don’t know. Today, I just felt it again. I heard those voices again from within telling me that there’s more to life than what it is now. Earlier, I receive a gift from my friends. It was a book I long to buy 3-4 years ago but I couldn’t because it is expensive but today it came instantaneously and I can’t just think of any better reason than it was meant for a purpose. I don’t know what I am writing here but I know I have it on my hand because it was meant to be utilized in its entirety. The book is about being this person who I wanted or I desire to be but time and circumstances did not jive so I have to take another path hoping that one day along the way, I’ll have that chance.
What I am saying (writing) is that—probably it was never too late to be who I should be. I know I have been good and sometimes bad; but I always got this second chance. When everything else gets cloudy and I felt like a total moron, I am reminded through simple moments who I want to be and the direction I should be taking. Yes, I am in this place I never initially wanted but because I have to, I pushed my luck one more time and alter my directionless life. Sometimes, I am caught lost with the details of what should be done that I forget the greater picture. I focus on the routine and ancillary but missing out the substance.
Anything could happen and events might turn the other way around. I should accept that. But here I am; I am given with all of these circumstances? Should I allow my conditions to dictate how I live my being? I am certain I do not have the right platform and the luxury of time to pursue my heart desires, but I definitely have NOW. I have the present. I have my family and friends. I have the resources. I have my God. I have this purpose. I have this life.
I would be very too late for rants. It is never too late to become who I wanted to be. God and the universe have been helping me despite my sinful self. My family and friends are in full support for my success. Why am I letting myself down? It is time! I’ll be using all my gifts to be the best of my niche. I’ll be giving out my best so I won’t have regrets. I am going to savor every second I am alive. Perform well, learn from mistakes and build the life I wanted for myself and my family. I am going to use my past for inspirations; the future for motivation and hope; and today to fulfil my destiny.
This is my life and I am claiming it today!
